Thursday, July 8, 2010

Ya'll SUCK!

So it seems non of you need advice from lil' ole' me...but i bet your friends do! new angle: i will now be giving unsolicited advice! email me your 'friends' problems and i'll set 'em straight! ready, set, GO!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


Dear La Kula Blanca,
I've just started dating this rad and beautiful girl. The only problem, is that she wears WAY too much makeup. What is most tactful way to let her know she doesn't need it? or, more importantly, that it kinda freaks me out?
--Eager for your response, yours truely, JustCallMeScared.

Well, JCMS, i agree, too much make up is truly frightening. Having said that, not to brag or anything, but i am blessed with flawless skin myself, so it's a little hard to figure this one out. anyway, depending on how big of an asshole you're ready to be, here's a couple options: there's always the push her in the snow/pool/water balloon tactic, but she probably won't want to be girlfriend after that. Your best bet is probably to just compliment her a whole lot before bed or in the am (when hopefully its washed/rubbed off). Or you can pay for a 'make over' at a make up counter before a hot date! Maybe also drop hints on how you hate it when other (beautiful) women (name drop actresses or singers or something) where too much make up they look like tranny/vamps! WHEW! this one was a toughy!

Peaked Interest

Dear Cula Blanca,
I have erections that last 4-6 hours, what should I do?
Can't think of a clever name


Monday, January 25, 2010

Uh Oh

Dear Kula Kula Khomanee,
I'm more scared to be out of my relationship than stoked to be in it... That's a bad sign, right?

Oh, Dear:
I know better than anyone else what it's like to tread water because its more easier than gettin' outta the pool--ya like that metaphor, right?!?--but I think maybe you're writing me because you already know the answer. The most logical answer is that if you aren't havin' fun, aren't growing because of it, and don't think its going to go anywhere than maybe it's time to move on. Sometimes even people that have something great going on need to call it quits because there are differences between them (ambitions, priorities, opportunities) that runs so deep it's to the core...and nothing will change that. maybe i'm rambling. I'm not sure, think about what sacrifices you are making by sticking around And what opportunities that may come your way if you jump ship. If things end before it's all resentment and hellfire you have the chance to remain friends. my best to you!

Goin' Green

Dearest la kula blanca -
I've recently gone vegan for health reasons and am having trouble dining out. I've found some delish soups at Revolutionary Soup and saw some yummy looking vegan cake at the Mudhouse, but what I'm really looking for is a nice place to dine that really fills my tummy. Where are all the decent places to go out for dinner in Charlottesville and get a great vegan meal? I feel like there must be quite a few vegans in town - I wonder why we don't have a totally vegan restaurant or cafe yet. Or do we? Do you have any suggestions for dining out in the ville meat and dairy-less?
- anonymous

Damn, I tried to quit bread and cheese for two weeks and nearly starved to death!
I'm more familiar with the vegetarian fare around town, but i'll do my best:
my first go to would be some pan-asian cuisine (Thai 99, Lime Leaf, Pad Thai, Ming Dynasty, Korea House, Milan, Maharaja, Taste of India or (and only because its downtown...i actually think these two are the lesser restaurants) Downtown Thai or Himalayan Fusion
I Think the Tea House also has light vegetarian fare and Stix has some good options
Also, Christians, Dr. Hos' Humble Pie, and Mellow Mushroom all have vegan pizza (yum)!
hmm...Then there's also Nicolas Veggies (in the old dumpling window), I.Y., and Whole Foods!
The Grand Finale is a B&B forty minutes away in Schuylar. Get your romance on at the White Pig Bed & Breakfast and Animal Sanctuary. They claim to be "A Vegan Oasis in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Central Virginia"

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Newbie to the Lonely Hearts Club

so i'm fresh out of a 10 year relationship. i've never really dated. how do i transition to being a single girl, when i've thought of myself as being someone unavailable for so long? i really want to get laid, and i'm not sure how to set about making that happen....any help?--anonymous

Dear Anonymous: Dating is hard. Personally, my first 'dates' are usually breakfast in the morning (if you catch my drift!) In this town, i think your best bet (at getting laid) is to sass it up at the bars, bat your eyelashes, and put on your best 'dont ask/dont tell face'! as far as this transitioning into a blossoming relationship, in my opinion, you're most likely better than all the dudes in this town, so you should probably move!!

Friday, January 8, 2010


here's to my blog 2010! the goal is to create an advice column, cville society gossip page, and/or random social commentary. help me build my advice portfolio by anonymously emailing questions to you can address them to 'la kula blanca, a mexican wrestler with style'! least until i come up with a better alias! cheers!